Surveys

Before I begin my insightful commentary today I’d like you to take a quick survey. It will only take a second and it will help me as n00b blogger better craft my blog to suit your needs.

{Insert Survey Code Here}

Thanks! That’s fantastic. Today I’d like to talk about goddamn surveys. I really don’t think industry “pings” people enough on a nearly minute-by-minute basis in order to present the consumer with the best possible product ever seen in the history of humanity!

Interestingly enough you’ve been randomly selected to take a survey on your general impressions of that last paragraph! It will only take a minute.


{Insert Survey Code Here}

Thanks! Your input is greatly appreciated. You know with the advent of massive real-time feedback we are standing on the precipice of unparalleled advances in customer satisfaction! I’ve never felt more appreciated by the faceless drones or automated computerized phone-answering systems as I do now. When I’m presented with the chance to tell the monotonic mush-mouth who sits on the other end of the phone line how great their company is or how they could improve, I’m fairly drooling at the prospect of answering yet another survey!

I dunno about you but just knowing that companies care enough to enact surveys which they clearly never bother to follow-through on (hence most people end up feeling even more isolated from the service providers these days), it brings me hope that one day our country will have off-shored all manufacturing and skilled technical jobs and that will free up sufficient bandwidth that we, as a country, can become 300 million fast-food workers and survey tenders. (Oh and CEO’s, because we as Americans know that the only jobs safe from being outsourced are the fearless leaders of industry whose Jekyll and Hyde act cause them to simultaneously gut the spirit of any given company for the expedient of cost AND demand that ever increasing levels of consumer satisfaction information be gathered.

Here’s an idea! Why not spend LESS on asking me how good your fucked up version of “service” is and spend MORE money on actually providing…uh…SERVICE!

Remember, just asking me how much I love your product will NOT increase my love of your substandard, crappy plastic shit supported by dull-witted automatons in “Customer Service”.

One last thing; Are you willing to take a brief survey on how you feel about this post?